cats and dogs

[boromir]

Enjoy!

A Dog's Diary:
=========================================
7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
10 am - Oh boy! The Park! My Favorite!
11 am - Oh boy! The sprinkler! My Favorite!
Noon - Oh boy! Lunch! My Favorite!
1 pm - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
10 pm - On boy! Snacks! My Favorite!
11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!

************************************************** *******************

A Cat's Diary:
================
Day 183 of my captivity.

My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.

The only thing that keeps me going crazy is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my
captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost
succeeded - must try this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once
again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair - must try this
on their bed

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was.

Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and
smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due
to my powers of inducing "allergies." Must learn what this is and how
to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The
dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is
obviously a half-wit.

The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with
them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current
placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.

But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.

::up::

[Tynian]

*snicker* Funny.

[DarkClaw]

*laugh* I loved it! Thanks for sharing. :-)

[Belsambar]

Yes....yes....we cats are far more devious than given credit for.....*evil-plotting-fingertip-tapping-together* MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA....

[eldric]

I think cats are well aware of my allergy, and they do indeed try to kill me.

[DarkClaw]

It's nothing personal, Eldric. They just don't like you. :-P

[Furnock]

PET RULES

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required. <-- I used to have a cat that could 'jimmy' the bathroom door Fonzi style.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'niture.
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

[Anandunaiss]

lmao i like #11 on that list. golden!

[DarkClaw]

Hehe. Thanks for sharing, Furnock. Loved that one, too.
I'm sure the majority of us can relate to most of it.